Part of being Conscious is having a fixation, like a focal point. The internal monologue must talk about something or see something or hear something. Fixating is a natural part of being a thinking creature. For good or bad we do it constantly.
The mind has a peculiar property where it manifests similar behaviour on all scales. It’s tendencies reflect and reverberate into every facet of life it touches. Like the fractals of a coastline, showing similarities between the pond, the lake, the ocean.
You have a personal narrative; the story of your life. Each one of us has a history which is a narrative written by the individual. We each create our own. That fixation tendency from earlier becomes enmeshed in the story.
As we age we define periods of our lives with a focal point. Like the college years or the time you lived with a bunch of roommates. It helps ground you and give you purpose. It’s also the reason you can get depressed after finishing a major event. You’ve lost this purpose and haven’t found yet a new one yet.
We rationalize it as giving us purpose but it’s not really the reason. Rarely are the fundamentals of the mind done for a conscious reason. Ultimately it’s just a reflection of a basic conscious need. That need to fixate.
Being aware of this is interesting. When I notice the fixation points in my life I find them fascinating. It’s challenging though because they’re almost impossible to track before they come on. They can be instigated for sure; having a child will certainly create a new fixation, as will a move to a new place. In the absence of an obvious one your brain will create something. And that is hard to track. Even if you’re already aware of the fixation point you’re in, predicting when it’s going to end is a challenge (again barring the obvious ones).
So why is this important? The narrative of your life is important. Your fixation points are the themes of periods of your life. The transition from one to the next can be painful but it’s also when the best self learning can be done. Seeing your past fixation point will help you collate your growth.
And as I keep saying, you only stop growing when you die.