Apparently I haven’t been talking about love enough. Seeing as how often my thoughts drift to it, I need to get this one out. It’s the clearest explanation for how I love. Well the clearest I can put into these pesky words.
When you love someone, you need to love them for who they are. Trying to make them into the person you want to love is a recipe for pain. But we all change. That person you fell in love with will change.
It’s actually worse if they don’t change because stagnancy is the true death of any life.
It’s death by boredom.
So you can’t just love who they are; you need to love them and their potential future. This is what makes the happily-ever-after a rarity. You will change, they will change; and if your relationship is to last, you need to love more of them than who they were.
I consider this to be one of the key points of my rambling mind. It’s a point of confluence between the philosophic and emotional sides of myself. When I wrote about Hofstadter’s view of consciousness, part of my conviction about it is that it’s applicable. It’s not simply a theory that you navel gaze about, it’s a way to help you through life.
The True self is a Strange Loop of self-reflection. To love someone, you need to find that self in them. Really loving someone is to love the idea they have of themselves. You have to crack into their self-reflected self; you have to see them as they see themselves. Their Willpower is a concept that swirls around a core of being, pushing it in new directions. When you see that, you can help them achieve their goals in life.
Being a supportive partner is helping that Will get to where it wants to be.
And loving the result.